Your phone is first-date kryptonite

Your phone is first-date kryptoniteYour phone is first-date kryptoniteLeave your cell phone games behind when you go on a first date.Texting or being distracted by your phone is by far the biggest turnoff for men (69%) and women (70%) alike out of anything you can do on a first date, according to poll results by YouGov.It even ranked far above the crime of using misleading photos in an online dating profile (52% for men and 43% for women.)A quarter of men said they would be completely fed up if their date took photos of their food or drink to deutsche post dhl to social media. Women were more forgiving only 15% minded a tabletop photoshoot.Other, lesser first-date offenses included chewing too loudly, hogging the conversation, being late, and not offering to pay or split the bill.After the date is over, keep in mind that if you do something with your phone to get rejected as a dating candidate, you will most likely be rejected via phone, ironically.One-third of Americans said that i f they werent interested in a second date and they felt the other side was, theyd shoot them a quick not interested, sorry text. Ooh, burn. Yet, 38% of people said theyd prefer a text over a phone call.A quarter said theyd call them to politely inform them they wouldnt be having another date. Awkward.And a choice 13% said their style was to just stop replying to the other persons calls or emails. (Also called ghosting.)For best results, turn off your phone until youre confirmed the status of your relationship and youreabsolutely aya that you two are boyfriend-girlfriend.You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people

5 things referees can teach us about being hated at work

5 things referees can teach us about being hated at work5 things referees can teach us about being hated at workImagine you are giving a presentation for work and everyone is waiting for you to screw up. Not only will millions of people all over the world see your mistakes, but millions mora on the internet can comment on them instantaneously. And angrily. And very, very colorfully.No pressure, right?Welcome to the world of referees.Referees, judges and umpires are tasked with enforcing the rules of a sport - frequently thwarting winning players or popular teams. If they do their jobs right, the audience barely notices the officials. However, if an official makes a glaring blunder in a crucial moment of an important game, that official can become the center of a storm of controversy.Like many, I am guilty of taking officials for granted and criticizing them if they make a call against my favorite sports team. They have one of the toughest jobs in entertainment and its not going to g et any easier now that professional sports leagues are trying to appeal to a more multinational and social media-savvy audience, attracting more eyeballs and stirring up even more emotion.Referees Are the Managers for an Entire SportThe structure of professional sports is not unlike the configuration of a conventional workplace. Professional athletes are (well-compensated) workers and coaches are their direct supervisors.Like referees, not all managers are universally adored. Their purpose is to reach a company goal and get the best out of their subordinates, not necessarily to make friends. Occasionally, an executive who has a tendency be unpopular can hire someone else better communicate unpopular business decisions. Facebooks Mark Zuckerberg wanted to continue as the companys innovative, likeable chairman- and maybe avoid his legacy of arrogant quotes - but he realized the company needed a firmer hand to maintain order so he added former Google executive Sheryl Sandberg as chief operating officer to keep things buttoned up.However most unpopular managers dont have the luxury to hire someone to face the criticism. This is where you can look to referees to learn how to handle conflict and a little resilience.1. Criticism rarely goes away, so get used to itSenior NFL official Walt Coleman was the head referee for the controversial Tuck Rule game in 2002 between the Patriots and Raiders in the AFC Divisional playoff. Colemans crew overturned a call during a crucial point in the contest and the Patriots ended up winning the game.Coleman says he still receives criticism from the decision. He adds, It doesnt go away. It still floats around and I still receive emails about it.2. Keep your cool, no matter how bad the other guy isOfficials are routinely scrutinized for how they call a game, but sometimes the pressure from the job can boil over and things can go too far.Thats when its useful to remember that your mistakes in judgment may be forgotten, but stories of a bad attitudue will follow you pretty much forever, so keep your cool.Former NBA referee Joey Crawford was patrolling the court for 35 years before he retired in 2016. He was prolific,having officiated 2,561 regular season games, 374 playoff games, and an impressive 50 NBA Finals games. However, Crawford might be more recognized as the guy who ejected NBA Hall-of-Famer Tim Duncan for laughing at him from the bench. The two then engaged in an on-court verbal altercation, with Duncan claiming Crawford challenged him to a fight.Crawford was suspended for the incident and cites it as one of the biggest regrets of his career. He admits that to this day, the confrontation with the NBA legend still comes up from time to time. Crawford says he cant go anywhere without somebody asking me about Tim Duncan.3. Control your ego and dont flip out when youre questionedThe major sports leagues have implemented regulations that encourage officials to take more responsibility for their calls. Of cou rse, the replay systems mean referees are challenged about their knowledge all the time now, which means its even more important to control their egos. The NFL, MLB and NBA have all implemented replay systems to help ensure that the right calls are made in the flow of a game. In the NFL, head coaches can throw red challenge flags onto the field to immediately contest the previous play. Teams keep a close eye on game action and if they believe a referee missed a call or made the incorrect call, there is a system to in place so officials have to review the play again.The MLB is the last of the major sports to incorporate a replay system. During a game, each manager is allocated one challenge attempt. The MLB has long been less than enthusiastic about adapting any change so its a significant sign of the times that even a sport rooted in tradition like baseball wants to hold officials accountable.The NBA also has its own replay system that kicks in during the last two minutes of a game, when victory or defeat is often decided. The Association takes things further by releasing a Last Two Minute (L2M) report, a play-by-play account of what referees called in the last two minutes, to the public after certain games.4. Be prepared and know your job inside outIf you know youre going to be challenged, or face conflict, its best to prepare and come armed with facts. Theres a twofold benefit you pay better attention, and you wont be caught off-guard if someone challenges your knowledge.Some officials tried to prepare for the moment when they would be forced to make a game-changing call. Gerry Austin, who worked as an NFL referee from 1982-2007, would meet with his fellow officials before games and watch film of the two teams set to play.Contemplating the possible scenarios that might arise in a game helped to keep Austin focused on the goal. You want to create an even playing field and let the players decide the game, he said.5. Be charming and well-presentedLets be honest charm works. People are much more likely to be angry towards jerks than they are towards nice, interesting, colorful people. Good clothes and grooming really are like armor, too.Former NBA referee Steve Javie understood this. He took a rather unorthodox approach to deal with big games. Javie would get a distinct haircut in an attempt to deflect attention from the calls he would make. I figured if people, broadcasters and the like, noticed my hair, then theyd be less likely to notice my calls, in case I got anything wrong, he said. Remember Experience makes you tougherWhile most people would collapse under the weight of the dislike that referees face, they only get tougher with time. The more extreme situations you see, the less likely you are to sweat the small stuff.Despite the burden and scrutiny of the work, for the most part, officials enjoy their work. 24-year veteran NFL official Ed Hochuli embraces the pressure, describing the job as an adrenaline rush. Newly retired MLB ump ire John Hirschbeck always kept the prestige of the job in mind. Ive been very, very blessed. I really have, he insisted. Its just an honor. Its every minor-league umpires dream to become a major-league umpire. That kind of ease and gratitude can be a model for anyone who feels like theyre immersed in a lot of conflict. Referees still love their jobs despite the fact that a missed call in the Super Bowl can alters the outcome of the game can draw the ire of thousands of fans in attendance and live in infamy for all of history. If they can, you can too.

6 ways to master the art of the first impression

6 ways to master the art of the first impression6 ways to master the art of the first impressionAmy Cuddy, a psychologist at the Harvard Business School, has been studying first impressions for mora than a decade. She and her colleagues found that we make snap judgments about other people that answer two primary questionsCan I trust this person?Can I respect this persons capabilities?According to Cuddys research, 80% to 90% of a first impression is based on these two traits. Subconsciously, you and the people you meet are asking yourselves, Can I trust that this person has good intentions toward me? and Is this person capable?We often assume that competence is the fruchtwein important factor, and people have a tendency to play this up when they meet someone however, Cuddys research shows that trust is the most important factor. In order for your competence to matter, people must trust you first.If theres no trust, people actually perceive competence as a negative. As Cuddy said, A wa rm, trustworthy person who is also strong elicits admiration, but only after youve achieved trust does your strength become a gift rather than a threat.Since it only takes seconds for someone to decide if youre trustworthy and competent, and research shows that first impressions are very difficult to change, the pressure that comes with meeting new people is justifiably intense.If you try to project confidence but havent first established trust, your efforts will backfire. No one wants to end up respected but disliked. As Cuddy said, If someone youre trying to influence doesnt trust you, youre not going to get very far in fact, you might even elicit suspicion, because you come across as manipulative.Once you recognize the importance of trustworthiness over competence, you can take control of the first impressions you make. Here are some tips to help you make that happen the next time you meet someone new1. Let the person youre meeting speak firstLet them take the lead in the convers ation, and you can always ask good questions to help this along. Taking the floor right away shows dominance, and that wont help you build trust. Trust and warmth are created when people feel understood, and they need to be doing a lot of sharing for that to happen.2. Use positive body languageBecoming cognizant of your gestures, expressions, and tone of voice and making certain theyre positive will draw people to you like ants to a picnic. Using an enthusiastic tone, uncrossing your arms, maintaining eye contact, and leaning towards the speaker are all forms of positive body language, which can make all the difference.3. Put away your phoneIts impossible to build trust and monitor your phone at the same time. Nothing turns people off like a mid-conversation text glaubenszeugnis or even a quick glance at your phone. When you commit to a conversation, focus all your energy on the conversation. You will find that conversations are more enjoyable and effective when you immerse yourself in them.4. Make time for small talkIt might sound trivial, but research shows that starting meetings with just five minutes of small talk gets better results. Many trust builders, such as small talk, can seem a waste of time to people who dont understand their purpose.5. Practice active listeningActive listening means concentrating on what the other person is saying, rather than planning what youre going to say next. Asking insightful questions is a great way to illustrate that youre really paying attention. If youre not checking for understanding or asking a probing question, you shouldnt be talking. Not only does thinking about what youre going to say next take your attention away from the speaker, hijacking the conversation shows that you think you have something more important to say. This means that you shouldnt jump in with solutions to the speakers problems.Its human nature to want to help people, but what a lot of us dont realize is that when we jump in with advice or a sol ution, were shutting the other person down and destroying trust. Its essentially a more socially acceptable way of saying, Okay, Ive got it. You can stop now The effect is the same.6. Do your homeworkPeople love it when you know things about them that they didnt have to share. Not creepy stuff, but simple facts that you took the time to learn from their LinkedIn page or company website. While this may not work for chance encounters, its crucial when a first meeting is planned ahead of time, such as a job interview or a consultation with a potential client.Find out as much as you can about all the people youre meeting, their company, their companys primary challenges, and so on. This demonstrates competence and trustworthiness by highlighting your aktion and responsibility.Bringing it all togetherIts the little things that make a first impression a good one, and the importance of establishing trust cannot be overstated. Now if someone would just tell this to the politiciansTravis Bra dberry is the coauthor ofEmotional Intelligence 2.0and the cofounder ofTalentSmart.This article originally appeared onLinkedIn.6 ways to master the art of the first impressionAmy Cuddy, a psychologist at the Harvard Business School, has been studying first impressions for more than a decade. She and her colleagues found that we make snap judgments about other people that answer two primary questionsCan I trust this person?Can I respect this persons capabilities?According to Cuddys research, 80% to 90% of a first impression is based on these two traits. Subconsciously, you and the people you meet are asking yourselves, Can I trust that this person has good intentions toward me? and Is this person capable?We often assume that competence is the most important factor, and people have a tendency to play this up when they meet someone however, Cuddys research shows that trust is the most important factor. In order for your competence to matter, people must trust you first.If theres no tru st, people actually perceive competence as a negative. As Cuddy said, A warm, trustworthy person who is also strong elicits admiration, but only after youve achieved trust does your strength become a gift rather than a threat.Since it only takes seconds for someone to decide if youre trustworthy and competent, and research shows that first impressions are very difficult to change, the pressure that comes with meeting new people is justifiably intense.If you try to project confidence but havent first established trust, your efforts will backfire. No one wants to end up respected but disliked. As Cuddy said, If someone youre trying to influence doesnt trust you, youre not going to get very far in fact, you might even elicit suspicion, because you come across as manipulative.Once you recognize the importance of trustworthiness over competence, you can take control of the first impressions you make. Here are some tips to help you make that happen the next time you meet someone new1. Let the person youre meeting speak firstLet them take the lead in the conversation, and you can always ask good questions to help this along. Taking the floor right away shows dominance, and that wont help you build trust. Trust and warmth are created when people feel understood, and they need to be doing a lot of sharing for that to happen.2. Use positive body languageBecoming cognizant of your gestures, expressions, and tone of voice and making certain theyre positive will draw people to you like ants to a picnic. Using an enthusiastic tone, uncrossing your arms, maintaining eye contact, and leaning towards the speaker are all forms of positive body language, which can make all the difference.3. Put away your phoneIts impossible to build trust and monitor your phone at the same time. Nothing turns people off like a mid-conversation text message or even a quick glance at your phone. When you commit to a conversation, focus all your energy on the conversation. You will find that conver sations are more enjoyable and effective when you immerse yourself in them.4. Make time for small talkIt might sound trivial, but research shows that starting meetings with just five minutes of small talk gets better results. Many trust builders, such as small talk, can seem a waste of time to people who dont understand their purpose.5. Practice active listeningActive listening means concentrating on what the other person is saying, rather than planning what youre going to say next. Asking insightful questions is a great way to illustrate that youre really paying attention. If youre not checking for understanding or asking a probing question, you shouldnt be talking. Not only does thinking about what youre going to say next take your attention away from the speaker, hijacking the conversation shows that you think you have something more important to say. This means that you shouldnt jump in with solutions to the speakers problems.Its human nature to want to help people, but what a l ot of us dont realize is that when we jump in with advice or a solution, were shutting the other person down and destroying trust. Its essentially a more socially acceptable way of saying, Okay, Ive got it. You can stop now The effect is the same.6. Do your homeworkPeople love it when you know things about them that they didnt have to share. Not creepy stuff, but simple facts that you took the time to learn from their LinkedIn page or company website. While this may not work for chance encounters, its crucial when a first meeting is planned ahead of time, such as a job interview or a consultation with a potential client.Find out as much as you can about all the people youre meeting, their company, their companys primary challenges, and so on. This demonstrates competence and trustworthiness by highlighting your initiative and responsibility.Bringing it all togetherIts the little things that make a first impression a good one, and the importance of establishing trust cannot be overst ated. Now if someone would just tell this to the politiciansTravis Bradberry is the coauthor ofEmotional Intelligence 2.0and the cofounder ofTalentSmart.This article originally appeared onLinkedIn.