13 painful life lessons Ive learned as a full-time writer

13 painful life lessons Ive learned as a full-time writer13 painful life lessons Ive learned as a full-time writer200,000+ written words, 1,000+ hours of blood, sweat and tears (many of ansicht hours spent staring at a blank screen the curse of writers block) and the painful birth of a self-published book.Too many sleepless nights to count, and waking up in the mornings, thinking, Why the hell am I leise doing this?Id like to think Im a pretty tough guy. Ive overcome my fair share of lifes difficult, painful adversities.But, notlagehing compares to this thing Im doing right now.This thing involves nothing mora than putting together a string of words, yet it can bring so much joy and pain all at the same time.This thing brings the best and worst out of any human being in the most grueling way possible.It teaches painful life lessons that cant be learned elsewhere.This thing is called writing, and here are the top 13 painful life lessons Ive learned since becoming a full-time writer.1 . Nobody cares about your goals and dreamsLets get real here for a second.Do you care about my goals and dreams?Do you care about my daily grind and hustle? (fun fact putting together this article took more than 15 hours of my time).Once youre done reading this article, youll probably visit another website and continue with your plans for the day.Youre not going to spend time today thinking about my personal struggles and aspirations.Dont worry I wont take it personally. I understand that you have your own aufgabes to solve and battles to fight on a daily basis.The truth is that nobody, not even your own family and close friends, care as much about your goals and dreams, as much as you do.With or without you, the world will carry on as normal.But, nowadays, most people live in the illusion - usually on social media - that their goals and dreams are special.And when they announce their new life goals - on fitness, health, writing, geschftliches miteinander and so on - they expect the world to press pause, take note and offer a helping hand.I used to be one of these people.I expected the world to erleichterung and applaud my efforts, but it didnt. And I welches pissed.That is, until I finally realized that my goals werent special, that I welchesnt entitled to anything and that I was truly on this journey alone.You were born alone. And you will also die alone, with all of your goals and dreams.2. There is no success without failureFailure and Success are two sides of the same coin. You cant have one without the other.So why are we taught the opposite? - that failure and success are separate entities.That failure should be avoided at all costs and success is the ultimate goal.Were quick to praise people once they achieve success, but quick to forget the trails of catastrophic failures they left behind.Dont believe me?Just google the background stories of successful people you admire and youll quickly notice that most of them were fantastic failures before ach ieving their major breakthroughs. (If youre deckenfries for ideas, try Author of Harry Potter, J.K. Rowling and Alibaba founder, Jack Ma).If you dare to pursue anything worthwhile, expect to fail Again and again.And again.But thats okay, because youll learn from these failures, improve and become better at what you do.Prior to creating mayooshin.com, I launched several online blogs, businesses, podcasts and video channels, all of which pretty much bombed.But, its the painful lessons learned from previous failures that have helped me to become a better writer and entrepreneur.3. The perfect time to departure is NOWThe best time to start was yesterday. The second best time to start is today.Perfectionism is a breeding ground for procrastination.The longer you wait for the perfect time to start exercising, write a book, launch a business, spend time with loved ones and so on, the higher the likelihood that you wont ever get started.You dont need the perfect conditions to get started. P lus, as Ive mentioned earlier, if you take consistent action, you will fail at some point, so theres no point delaying this.When I sat down to write my first book, perfectionism cost me several months of staring at a blank computer screen and never actually writing anything.That is, until I discovered the 2-minute rule from the book Getting Things Done (audiobook), which helped me to write and publish the book a month later.Moral of the story is this each day that passes by is another perfect opportunity to get started on your goals.So what are you waiting for?4. Experts dont know what works best for youThe funny thing about experts - many of whom I respect - is that they leistungspunkt their level of success to beliefs and ideas that have worked for them.But that doesnt necessarily mean that these beliefs or ideas will work for youI learned this the hard way, during my first year writing.I read, listened to and took action on advice given by popular expert writers, marketers and entrepreneurs online. Each one of these experts insisted on his or her way of thinking, as the best way to achieve a particular goal.After several months of confusion and mediocre results, I decided to focus on doing what worked best for me, and not necessarily what was the hottest trend out there.For example, I am most productive with my writing, whilst listening to music and in a fasted state.I also write for a wide audience with a common worldview of becoming better people, but not to a specific niche based on demographics.This isnt mainstream expert writing or business advice, but it works well for me.Listen to expert advice, but always experiment to find what works best for you.5. Amateurs starve. Professionals thriveThere are many differences between amateurs and professionals.Here are some of the key differencesAmateurs wait to feel inspired. Professionals stick to a schedule.Amateurs strive to achieve. Professionals strive to improve.Amateurs stall after failure. Professiona ls grow after failure.The common theme amongst these differences is consistency.Amateurs only show up when they feel like it and as a result, they lack consistency and starve.On the other hand, Professionals or Pros show up on a consistent basis, come rain or come shine and thrive.When I was an amateur writer, I only wrote when I was motivated. My results were sporadic, with no real progress in my writing abilities or readership.It was only when I made a decision to turn pro - to write and publish a new article every single week - that my readership took off.(Diagram shows readership growth over time. Note the points of steeper upward trend)There is no such thing as a starving artist, only starving amateurs and thriving professionals.6. Hard work doesnt pay off ( at least not in the way we think it should)Motivational speakers are a funny bunch ( Im including myself as one of them in this conversation).Were quick to tell people, you can do it, just like I did, if you just believ e in yourself and work hardI hate to be the killjoy here, but this isnt completely true. I mean, just look around.Some of the hardest working people on earth- the construction workers, miners, bus drivers, cleaners, waiters and waitresses and so on- are not the richest, most influential people in the world.Hard work by itself isnt enough to achieve success.There are several important factors that also come into play. behauptung include the right relationships, the right timing, a solid strategy and a bit of luck.I struggled to grow my readership for several months, despite putting in 20+ hours into each article published.Then I started to strategically plan my written content, build the right relationships and spread my work across various outlets. Thats when I experienced the rapid growth of my readership.Now, this isnt an excuse to avoid hard work and be a lazy couch potato.Its just a reminder that if youre working hard, but not getting the results you want, its probably because y oure missing one or more of the other important factors mentioned.7. Rest is the only productivity hack you needIm grinding when youre sleeping.These are some motivational words from the popular internet personality and entrepreneur, Gary Vaynerchuk.Its a fair reflection of the gogogo world we live in today that puts busyness or hustling on a pedestal, but rest as an activity for the lazy losers.And whilst I appreciate Gary Vees or any other successful entrepreneurs motivational speeches, I dont agree with any katechese that undermines the importance of rest or sleep.Countless research studies have shown the importance of quality sleep and rest for our well-being.Plus, according to insights into the daily routines of famous writers and artists from Daily Rituals (audiobook), creative geniuses - including the likes of Einstein, Beethoven, Tolstoy, Darwin and Dickens - credit rest and time away from their work to their creative breakthroughs.Not everyone is built to function well wi th little sleep or rest.Personally, after a few nights of getting less than 5 hours of sleep, I can barely think, talk or move properly.And so, Ive made peace with being one of the lazy losers who sleeps before midnight, whilst the hustlers and winners are burning the midnight oil.8. Straw houses are built on motivation. Castles are built on habitsMotivation is fleeting.Some days its there, some days its not.If you wait to feel motivated before taking action, your results will be sporadic because you wont be consistent enough.Just like a straw house that loses its roof and structure on a hurricane like windy day, everything youve built can easily fall apart when your lifes problems come knocking.Now, imagine a castle (think game of thrones schriftart of castle).A castle doesnt easily fall apart under bad weather, or a repeated siege from humans and machines.Castles endure some of the most extreme conditions.This is the power of habits.Once you build good habits, youll consistently t ake action and achieve consistent results, even when your life gets chaotic.After I built the habit of writing at least one article every week, it didnt matter whether I lacked motivation or experienced personal tragedy in my life, I published a new piece weekly because the habit had been built.If youre struggling with lack of motivation, focus on building habits first. The motivation will naturally follow.9. Work-life balance is a mythTheres an uncomfortable trade-off that exists, even though we often like to pretend that its not there.The more time you spend working, the less time you can spend on life stuff. And vice versa.We only have 24 hours in a day. And on average, we spend a quarter of that sleeping.So lets do the math.Assuming you spent 15 hours on your work or business today, how many hours would you have left in free time?The correct answer is 3 hours.3 hours isnt a realistic amount of time to attend social events, catch up with friends and family, and play your favorite songs on the guitar.I have had to significantly reduce time spent with my close friends and family, cut out some hobbies and turn down invites to important social gatherings, just so I could find more time to write.The truth is, you will have to make difficult (sometimes very cold) decisions about what youre willing to give up, to get what you want from life. Otherwise, life will make those choices for you.You cant eat your cake and have it. Choose one.10. Trust that nagging voice in your headTheres a tiny nagging voice in your head, that pops up every now and then.It prompts and nudges you to do something. Sometimes, to do something extremely uncomfortable. Sometimes, to avoid taking a particular action.Listen to that voice and dont ignore it.Were quick to listen to the voices and opinions of other people, but very slow to listen to our own nagging voice.Ignoring the nagging voice comes at the cost of making stupid decisions you may later regret, as Ive learned the hard way.That n agging voice, that gut feeling, is usually leading you in the right direction.Listen to it.11. If you try to please everyone, youll end up pleasing no oneYou can lie down on the floor for people to walk on top of you and theyll still complain that youre not flat enough.Theres a thin line between being a nice person and being a doormat.The more you let others control your life without establishing healthy boundaries, the more likely youll be pushed into doing something you dont want to do.In my early writing days, I was terrified of my work being criticized and ripped apart by trolls on the web.And so, to play it safe, I copied the writing style of other popular writers and stayed away from controversial topics.But, as the months went by, I noticed something strange. No matter how or what I wrote about, somebody would complain, criticize or hate on my writing.Plus, I didnt enjoy writing as much any longer. I grew tired of trying to be someone other than myself.Once I realized I could nt win either way, I stopped writing to please everyone and instead, wrote in my own true voice - my part casual, academic, motivational, sometimes contrarian voice.I still have to deal with my fair share of haters and critics, but thats the price you pay for authentic living. And its well worth it.12. Everything is an assumption until proven otherwiseWe make assumptions to make sense of the world around us - assumptions about money, health, relationships, people, business and so on.The problem is that assumptions can often lead to misleading conclusions that reduce the number of opportunities available to us.For example, I used to hold unto the assumption that my readers would prefer a more serious, academic tone of writing.After a few months of writing in a serious, academic tone (and not enjoying it in the process), I stumbled across the art of first principles thinking - a mental model process of questioning assumptions, used by great thinkers including Tesla, Feynman and Edi son.It was only after questioning my assumptions, that I had the freedom to experiment with new ways of writing i.e. casual tone with cartoon images.Some of my most popular, most shared articles have been written in this new way.Question your assumptions, and let the information guide your conclusions.13. The more you give. The more will be given to youTheres a scripture in the bible that captures this point well, Luke 638 Give, and it will be given to you.In life, work and business, the abundance or scarcity you experience is directly related to how much value you add to peoples lives.The more you help other people to solve their problems, the more they will in turn want to help you solve yours too.The problem is that the culture today is all about me.We want more and we want it nowYet, few live in abundance and few people give much to others, if anything at all. This isnt a coincidence.For me, my sole focus is giving as much as I can to help as many people as possible. I have fait h that my needs will be taken care of in the process without dwelling on them too much.Theres a peace of mind that comes from this faith.TakeawayAs painful as these life lessons have been, they have been invaluable towards my personal growth, and I hope the same for you too.At least, I hope Ive spared you the pain of learning these life lessons the hard way.If you know someone youd like to spare as well, share this article with them.Mayo Oshin writes atMayoOshin.com, where he shares practical self-improvement ideas and proven science for better health, productivity and creativity.To get practical ideas on how to stop procrastinating and build healthy habits, you can join his free weekly newsletterhere.A version of thisarticleoriginally appeared atmayooshin.comas 13 Painful Life Lessons Ive Learned as a Full-Time Writer.FootnotesFunctional and Economic Impact of Sleep Loss and Sleep-Related DisordersWriter image by Nicolas Fructus.Doormat image creator please get in touch.13 painful life lessons Ive learned as a full-time writer200,000+ written words, 1,000+ hours of blood, sweat and tears (many of these hours spent staring at a blank screen the curse of writers block) and the painful birth of a self-published book.Too many sleepless nights to count, and waking up in the mornings, thinking, Why the hell am I still doing this?Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moreId like to think Im a pretty tough guy. Ive overcome my fair share of lifes difficult, painful adversities.But, nothing compares to this thing Im doing right now.This thing involves nothing more than putting together a string of words, yet it can bring so much joy and pain all at the same time.This thing brings the best and worst out of any human being in the most grueling way possible.It teaches painful life lessons that cant be learned elsewhere.This thing is called writing, and here are the top 13 pa inful life lessons Ive learned since becoming a full-time writer.1. Nobody cares about your goals and dreamsLets get real here for a second.Do you care about my goals and dreams?Do you care about my daily grind and hustle? (fun fact putting together this article took more than 15 hours of my time).Once youre done reading this article, youll probably visit another website and continue with your plans for the day.Youre not going to spend time today thinking about my personal struggles and aspirations.Dont worry I wont take it personally. I understand that you have your own problems to solve and battles to fight on a daily basis.The truth is that nobody, not even your own family and close friends, care as much about your goals and dreams, as much as you do.With or without you, the world will carry on as normal.But, nowadays, most people live in the illusion - usually on social media - that their goals and dreams are special.And when they announce their new life goals - on fitness, h ealth, writing, business and so on - they expect the world to press pause, take note and offer a helping hand.I used to be one of these people.I expected the world to support and applaud my efforts, but it didnt. And I was pissed.That is, until I finally realized that my goals werent special, that I wasnt entitled to anything and that I was truly on this journey alone.You were born alone. And you will also die alone, with all of your goals and dreams.2. There is no success without failureFailure and Success are two sides of the same coin. You cant have one without the other.So why are we taught the opposite? - that failure and success are separate entities.That failure should be avoided at all costs and success is the ultimate goal.Were quick to praise people once they achieve success, but quick to forget the trails of catastrophic failures they left behind.Dont believe me?Just google the background stories of successful people you admire and youll quickly notice that most of them were fantastic failures before achieving their major breakthroughs. (If youre stuck for ideas, try Author of Harry Potter, J.K. Rowling and Alibaba founder, Jack Ma).If you dare to pursue anything worthwhile, expect to fail Again and again.And again.But thats okay, because youll learn from these failures, improve and become better at what you do.Prior to creating mayooshin.com, I launched several online blogs, businesses, podcasts and video channels, all of which pretty much bombed.But, its the painful lessons learned from previous failures that have helped me to become a better writer and entrepreneur.3. The perfect time to start is NOWThe best time to start was yesterday. The second best time to start is today.Perfectionism is a breeding ground for procrastination.The longer you wait for the perfect time to start exercising, write a book, launch a business, spend time with loved ones and so on, the higher the likelihood that you wont ever get started.You dont need the perfect con ditions to get started. Plus, as Ive mentioned earlier, if you take consistent action, you will fail at some point, so theres no point delaying this.When I sat down to write my first book, perfectionism cost me several months of staring at a blank computer screen and never actually writing anything.That is, until I discovered the 2-minute rule from the book Getting Things Done (audiobook), which helped me to write and publish the book a month later.Moral of the story is this each day that passes by is another perfect opportunity to get started on your goals.So what are you waiting for?4. Experts dont know what works best for youThe funny thing about experts - many of whom I respect - is that they credit their level of success to beliefs and ideas that have worked for them.But that doesnt necessarily mean that these beliefs or ideas will work for youI learned this the hard way, during my first year writing.I read, listened to and took action on advice given by popular expert writer s, marketers and entrepreneurs online. Each one of these experts insisted on his or her way of thinking, as the best way to achieve a particular goal.After several months of confusion and mediocre results, I decided to focus on doing what worked best for me, and not necessarily what was the hottest trend out there.For example, I am most productive with my writing, whilst listening to music and in a fasted state.I also write for a wide audience with a common worldview of becoming better people, but not to a specific niche based on demographics.This isnt mainstream expert writing or business advice, but it works well for me.Listen to expert advice, but always experiment to find what works best for you.5. Amateurs starve. Professionals thriveThere are many differences between amateurs and professionals.Here are some of the key differencesAmateurs wait to feel inspired. Professionals stick to a schedule.Amateurs strive to achieve. Professionals strive to improve.Amateurs stall after fai lure. Professionals grow after failure.The common theme amongst these differences is consistency.Amateurs only show up when they feel like it and as a result, they lack consistency and starve.On the other hand, Professionals or Pros show up on a consistent basis, come rain or come shine and thrive.When I was an amateur writer, I only wrote when I was motivated. My results were sporadic, with no real progress in my writing abilities or readership.It was only when I made a decision to turn pro - to write and publish a new article every single week - that my readership took off.(Diagram shows readership growth over time. Note the points of steeper upward trend)There is no such thing as a starving artist, only starving amateurs and thriving professionals.6. Hard work doesnt pay off ( at least not in the way we think it should)Motivational speakers are a funny bunch ( Im including myself as one of them in this conversation).Were quick to tell people, you can do it, just like I did, i f you just believe in yourself and work hardI hate to be the killjoy here, but this isnt completely true. I mean, just look around.Some of the hardest working people on earth- the construction workers, miners, bus drivers, cleaners, waiters and waitresses and so on- are not the richest, most influential people in the world.Hard work by itself isnt enough to achieve success.There are several important factors that also come into play. These include the right relationships, the right timing, a solid strategy and a bit of luck.I struggled to grow my readership for several months, despite putting in 20+ hours into each article published.Then I started to strategically plan my written content, build the right relationships and spread my work across various outlets. Thats when I experienced the rapid growth of my readership.Now, this isnt an excuse to avoid hard work and be a lazy couch potato.Its just a reminder that if youre working hard, but not getting the results you want, its probab ly because youre missing one or more of the other important factors mentioned.7. Rest is the only productivity hack you needIm grinding when youre sleeping.These are some motivational words from the popular internet personality and entrepreneur, Gary Vaynerchuk.Its a fair reflection of the gogogo world we live in today that puts busyness or hustling on a pedestal, but rest as an activity for the lazy losers.And whilst I appreciate Gary Vees or any other successful entrepreneurs motivational speeches, I dont agree with any message that undermines the importance of rest or sleep.Countless research studies have shown the importance of quality sleep and rest for our well-being.Plus, according to insights into the daily routines of famous writers and artists from Daily Rituals (audiobook), creative geniuses - including the likes of Einstein, Beethoven, Tolstoy, Darwin and Dickens - credit rest and time away from their work to their creative breakthroughs.Not everyone is built to functi on well with little sleep or rest.Personally, after a few nights of getting less than 5 hours of sleep, I can barely think, talk or move properly.And so, Ive made peace with being one of the lazy losers who sleeps before midnight, whilst the hustlers and winners are burning the midnight oil.8. Straw houses are built on motivation. Castles are built on habitsMotivation is fleeting.Some days its there, some days its not.If you wait to feel motivated before taking action, your results will be sporadic because you wont be consistent enough.Just like a straw house that loses its roof and structure on a hurricane like windy day, everything youve built can easily fall apart when your lifes problems come knocking.Now, imagine a castle (think game of thrones type of castle).A castle doesnt easily fall apart under bad weather, or a repeated siege from humans and machines.Castles endure some of the most extreme conditions.This is the power of habits.Once you build good habits, youll consistent ly take action and achieve consistent results, even when your life gets chaotic.After I built the habit of writing at least one article every week, it didnt matter whether I lacked motivation or experienced personal tragedy in my life, I published a new piece weekly because the habit had been built.If youre struggling with lack of motivation, focus on building habits first. The motivation will naturally follow.9. Work-life balance is a mythTheres an uncomfortable trade-off that exists, even though we often like to pretend that its not there.The more time you spend working, the less time you can spend on life stuff. And vice versa.We only have 24 hours in a day. And on average, we spend a quarter of that sleeping.So lets do the math.Assuming you spent 15 hours on your work or business today, how many hours would you have left in free time?The correct answer is 3 hours.3 hours isnt a realistic amount of time to attend social events, catch up with friends and family, and play your favo rite songs on the guitar.I have had to significantly reduce time spent with my close friends and family, cut out some hobbies and turn down invites to important social gatherings, just so I could find more time to write.The truth is, you will have to make difficult (sometimes very cold) decisions about what youre willing to give up, to get what you want from life. Otherwise, life will make those choices for you.You cant eat your cake and have it. Choose one.10. Trust that nagging voice in your headTheres a tiny nagging voice in your head, that pops up every now and then.It prompts and nudges you to do something. Sometimes, to do something extremely uncomfortable. Sometimes, to avoid taking a particular action.Listen to that voice and dont ignore it.Were quick to listen to the voices and opinions of other people, but very slow to listen to our own nagging voice.Ignoring the nagging voice comes at the cost of making stupid decisions you may later regret, as Ive learned the hard way.Th at nagging voice, that gut feeling, is usually leading you in the right direction.Listen to it.11. If you try to please everyone, youll end up pleasing no oneYou can lie down on the floor for people to walk on top of you and theyll still complain that youre not flat enough.Theres a thin line between being a nice person and being a doormat.The more you let others control your life without establishing healthy boundaries, the more likely youll be pushed into doing something you dont want to do.In my early writing days, I was terrified of my work being criticized and ripped apart by trolls on the web.And so, to play it safe, I copied the writing style of other popular writers and stayed away from controversial topics.But, as the months went by, I noticed something strange. No matter how or what I wrote about, somebody would complain, criticize or hate on my writing.Plus, I didnt enjoy writing as much any longer. I grew tired of trying to be someone other than myself.Once I realized I c ouldnt win either way, I stopped writing to please everyone and instead, wrote in my own true voice - my part casual, academic, motivational, sometimes contrarian voice.I still have to deal with my fair share of haters and critics, but thats the price you pay for authentic living. And its well worth it.12. Everything is an assumption until proven otherwiseWe make assumptions to make sense of the world around us - assumptions about money, health, relationships, people, business and so on.The problem is that assumptions can often lead to misleading conclusions that reduce the number of opportunities available to us.For example, I used to hold unto the assumption that my readers would prefer a more serious, academic tone of writing.After a few months of writing in a serious, academic tone (and not enjoying it in the process), I stumbled across the art of first principles thinking - a mental model process of questioning assumptions, used by great thinkers including Tesla, Feynman and Edison.It was only after questioning my assumptions, that I had the freedom to experiment with new ways of writing i.e. casual tone with cartoon images.Some of my most popular, most shared articles have been written in this new way.Question your assumptions, and let the information guide your conclusions.13. The more you give. The more will be given to youTheres a scripture in the bible that captures this point well, Luke 638 Give, and it will be given to you.In life, work and business, the abundance or scarcity you experience is directly related to how much value you add to peoples lives.The more you help other people to solve their problems, the more they will in turn want to help you solve yours too.The problem is that the culture today is all about me.We want more and we want it nowYet, few live in abundance and few people give much to others, if anything at all. This isnt a coincidence.For me, my sole focus is giving as much as I can to help as many people as possible. I have faith that my needs will be taken care of in the process without dwelling on them too much.Theres a peace of mind that comes from this faith.TakeawayAs painful as these life lessons have been, they have been invaluable towards my personal growth, and I hope the same for you too.At least, I hope Ive spared you the pain of learning these life lessons the hard way.If you know someone youd like to spare as well, share this article with them.Mayo Oshin writes atMayoOshin.com, where he shares practical self-improvement ideas and proven science for better health, productivity and creativity.To get practical ideas on how to stop procrastinating and build healthy habits, you can join his free weekly newsletterhere.A version of thisarticleoriginally appeared atmayooshin.comas 13 Painful Life Lessons Ive Learned as a Full-Time Writer.FootnotesFunctional and Economic Impact of Sleep Loss and Sleep-Related DisordersWriter image by Nicolas Fructus.Doormat image creator please get in touch.You mig ht also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people